Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
