My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
