Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
soo... how was my night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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