Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
