i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
