you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
