white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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