If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
