Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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