last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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