So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
