sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
