if you like me you must not know who I am
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
