Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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