I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
