I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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