Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
