He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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