if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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