My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize