Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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