so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
