You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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