If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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