God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
