I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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