He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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