Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
