RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
