I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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