at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
just found out that she named her cat after me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The Olympian is in my bed
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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