He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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