He told me they were just razor bumps!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
