who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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