the condom got lost in my hair
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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