I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
