You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
