I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
