Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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