Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
