and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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