Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
