my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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