How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
