you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
