We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm having to shit out rocks
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