I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
