i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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