): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Randomize
