Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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