I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
