I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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