So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
