Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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