Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
