Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
