So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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