Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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