I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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