I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
