I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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