I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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